Relationships Matter – Confessions of a Former Instructional Coach

Learning Along the Way

I have to admit this is the third post I have attempted to write in the past few weeks since we have been home due to COVID-19.

Wanting to write something meaningful, but going through the same struggles as many in adjusting to a new normal has given me pause. I’ve had some wonderful moments having extra time with my family and connecting with others in new ways, but there have also been moments of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and unsure of what my role is as a school leader. Having never been through something like this I’m just trying to figure it all out as much as the next person.

In the spirit of newness and we’re all in this together, here are my greatest takeaways so far:

Start with simplicity and then build from there.

This is new for everyone. Kids, parents, and educators need to learn and adjust to the new routine. There will also be a learning curve for the tech piece for some. Create a simple template that follows a pattern and uses some foundational technology that you plan on using throughout the time kids are learning at home. Spend the first few days making sure that everyone can use the technology and provide assistance when needed. Creating or linking tutorial videos can also be helpful for avoiding some of the technology confusion. Many educators I have spoken with have said that this is where most of the questions came in the first few days.

Once the routine is established, you can start to add in more new to what you have created. If you are concerned that some students need more of a challenge at this time, add in some optional activities so that all kids can have their needs met.

Relationships are more important than ever.

One of the greatest losses that students are experiencing at this time is the sense of community. Whether it’s a virtual meeting, a phone call, an email, or a handwritten note, reach out to students regularly to see how they are doing beyond academics. At Jefferson, my teachers have used Zoom or Google Hangouts to get everyone together as a class. Although not a live form of connection, they have also used Seesaw for communication and inviting students to share what they have been working on. We want students to continue to learn during this time, but placing an emphasis on the relationship first will lead to a stronger ability for students to do that.

You can never communicate too much.

During times of uncertainty, people need communication more than ever. Last week I started virtual daily announcements on our social media platforms for the purpose of keeping a routine and helping families to continue to feel connected to Jefferson. Just like our in-school announcements, I recognized birthdays and shared important information about virtual activities for the day. This will continue throughout our time at home as a vehicle for both daily connection and communication. Our teachers will be sending out a communication to families at the beginning of each day letting them know important information for the day. Additionally, families will continue to receive my weekly communication with both school and district information.

Beyond communicating about “all the things,” it’s also important to remember to let people know that we are all a team in this process. Many of our families have two parents now working from home and maybe feeling overwhelmed at the thought of also now being a full-time teacher. Reassure families that if they don’t know how to help their students in something they are working on that is okay. Letting families know that we are here to help and providing communication channels for when they need help is also incredibly important.

Regular reflection to move forward.

Reflection is an important skill at any time, but during this unprecedented time in the world, taking time to reflect is more important than ever. In the beginning, I spent a lot of time thinking about my role as a school leader at this time and what I could do to make my greatest contribution to our Jefferson community. As a result, I have spent most of my days focusing on connection and communication. Each day I reflect on the day’s process, what went well, and what I could have improved upon.

Additionally, I’ve thought a lot about this experience and what might we learn that we can bring back when we return to our regular school schedule. (whenever that may be) What has really stood out to me so far is the home school connection and how much this has brought us all together. I actually feel so much more in touch with our families as a result of this experience because I’m seeing or hearing about home life so much more. I see possibilities for more creation of a shared vision and a greater partnership with the home when we return as a result.

I think about teaching practices as well. Learning at this time has caused us to focus on what is essential, instead of trying to do it all. We’ve focused more on relationships and connecting with one another. We’re building on what we know works well with our students, but we’re also taking more risks. We’ve incorporated more technology than ever. How might that impact our planning and instruction when we return?

One Last Thought

We’re all trying to make meaning out of our new existence. Do the best that you can. When you are stuck, reach out to a friend or a colleague (hopefully both). If you’re a parent, no teacher is out there judging you if you don’t get all of the math or Seesaw post 2 done. If you are an educator, it’s okay to reach out to your principal and say, I’m overwhelmed, I need help. If you need to spend a day just connecting with your own children that’s okay. If you need to spend some time just doing something you love all by yourself, that’s okay too. (I mean, if you have kids, you might want to talk your partner about your plan to retreat to the basement to binge-watch Tiger King and eat a box of chocolate first so you don’t reappear with a live re-enactment of Lord of the Flies occurring in your living room.) This is a time to give yourself grace, and also extend that courtesy to others.

Sometimes Small Wins add up to Big Losses

Just got done with my almost four year old having an epic tantrum at gymnastics class.

The cause?

I made her put on her shoes and socks when she came out of class before she did anything else.

I know. I’m the worst.

That’s not what actually caused the epic tantrum. That was more of a prequel to the disaster. A foreshock if you will.

What actually caused the “drop on the floor, red in the face, screaming at decibels heard by two towns over tantrum” was the fact that I was unaware of the magical lady who hands out lollipops to all of the good little boys and girls who have stamps on their hands after class.

So, if you tell your daughter to put on her shoes and socks on before she does anything else she is inevitably going to miss the magical lollipop fairy lady because:

Asking a toddler to do anything will take ten times longer than anyone could ever imagine is humanly possible.
When you were a kid at some point you threw temper tantrums and your mom said the stereotypical phrase, “I hope one day you have a kid just like you!” (Which at the time you blew off, but now as an adult you are wondering if she has some sort of voodoo power that you were not aware of.)

So here I am standing in the vestibule, trying to rationalize with a toddler that missing the magical lollipop that she “earned” is “No Big Deal” while her screams keep getting louder and her stomping is reaching epic proportions. Minus her face turning purple I’d say she was pretty close to a direct reenactment of Turtle Throws a Tantrum. (Side Note: DO NOT laugh at this point. It is apparently not funny.)

People are staring. Dogs are barking. I’m about to pick her up and put her in the car kicking and screaming when guess who comes out of her office? The magical ninja lollipop lady.

And do you know what she did?

SHE ASKS MY FULL ON TANTRUM CHILD IIF SHE WANTS A LOLLIPOP.

I looked at Alexandra. I looked at the lady. I looked at the faces of the moms ( totally not judging) staring at me. I swear time froze.

I knew I had two options. I could tell her no, that the way she was behaving did not merit a lollipop or any reward for that matter and endure the escalation that would ensue or I could let her have the lollipop ending the campaign of torture.

So, what did I do?

I totally caved. I told her that if she would apologize to me for her behavior that she could have one. I was worried about getting to her next activity on the other side of town on time and was honestly sick of listening to the tantrum that seemed to last for all eternity.

She apologized, instantly calmed, got her lollipop and merrily skipped to the car like nothing happened. We made it to Little Actors Club on time and the rest of the day was great.

It appears that I made the right choice right. But did I? The entire car ride home I kept thinking all she is going to remember from this event was that a tantrum equals candy. I chose the easy way out simply because of my fears of getting to our next activity on time (and yes of being judged) and now the next time I was going to have to start all over again with how we behave when we don’t get our way.

My short little win was most likely setting me up for defeat later on.

Choosing What’s Easy in Education

This longwinded story got me thinking about when I was in the classroom and the times I would choose what was easy over what would be a better learning experience for students.

How many times did I choose to teach whole class rather than differentiate because it was easier for me to cover the content that way? I could say I covered the objectives, but were ALL of my students really learning from the lesson that day?

How many times did I teach something just because it was in the curriculum guide even though I knew that many of my students had mastered the objective already?

How many times did I make decisions based on what was easy for me, not on what was right for the students and then end up teaching it all over again?

I’d say the answer to these questions was more than I’d like to admit. For a variety of reasons, (pressure from administration, district assessment deadlines, anxiety about keeping up with peers, inner drive to teach it all) educators feel a huge pressure to cover content over teaching the students in front of them. None of these reasons are illegitimate reasons. The expectations put on teachers are astronomical. It is completely reasonable to feel like covering content should take priority.

Unfortunately, this dynamic causes many of us (myself included) to plan learning experiences and lessons that do simply that, cover content instead of creating learning that sticks with engaging in-depth experiences like we know we should. Many times we end up reteaching these lessons because the learning was not meaningful to students. Taking the time to prioritize and go deeper at the beginning would actually save us time in the end.

If I could be a classroom teacher again (one day maybe I will), I would stop placing the greatest importance on content and start with relationships. I’d find out what was important to my students, learn their strengths and build from there. I know there are many constraints with time in the school day, but I’d try to plan my schedule with longer blocks of time so that I could plan out integrated lessons that include time to ask questions, interact with peers, and causes students to engage in the learning.

I’d take the time to make it stick as opposed to getting it done.

Of course, I’m not a classroom teacher this year. I’m an administrator and a mom. So here’s my effort to choose differently than I have in the past.

If you work in my school I will support you 100% in teaching the students in front of you, not covering vast amounts of the curriculum.
I will set up a schedule where you have flexible time to integrate subjects and plan deeper learning experiences.
I will set up structures so you can coteach, collaborate, and reflect regularly with your peers to learn from one another and build upon one another’s strengths.
I will plan engaging learning experiences that meet your needs as opposed to the God awful “Sit & Get” institute days.
When you come to me with innovative ideas I will be your cheerleader, your support system and do anything in my power to make your idea a success.
I will not take the easy way out and spend time in my office doing clerical tasks. I will be present in the building getting to know the culture of the school so that I can contribute and elevate the great work being done.
I will listen to what you need, not try to force my agenda on you.
When there is an issue (anything, including missing a magical lollipop lady), I will listen, reflect and work to solve the problem with you.

At the end of the day, it is better that we have contributed to creating amazing humans than to have taught a vast curriculum. Is teaching knowledge to students part of that formula?

Absolutely.

But if you ask me what to prioritize in your school I’d choose deeper learning and relationships over being able to say I covered all the content any day.

(Quote by Wayne Dyer)

Multiplying the Talents of Students

Every morning I have about a thirty-minute commute to work from my home in Wheaton. Most mornings my routine is pretty similar. After giving Alexandra a big hug and a kiss (sometimes 4 or 5 depending on what mood she’s in), I hop in my car, order my morning coffee and listen to whatever music I happen to be in the mood for. I let my mind wander to nonsense during this time, but after I get my coffee (Americano, 2 sugars) it’s “Go Time.”

I turn on a podcast, listen to a book on Audible or spend the next twenty minutes reflecting on my practice. This week has gotten me reflecting about one of the quotes I discussed from my last post about building a strength-based culture in our schools, (Making the Positives so Loud)

“But if people aren’t aware of their genius, they are not in a position to deliberately utilize it. By telling people what you see, you can raise their awareness and confidence, allowing them to provide their capability more fully.” – The Multiplier Effect & Multipliers

Instead of thinking about it in the context of building leader to teacher, I have been reflecting more on the implications within the classroom and how teachers can unleash the talents of their students. In Chapter 2 of Wiseman’s original book on the same topic: Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter she discusses a three-step process called, “Name the Genius” that is connected to this same quote.

Like the title alludes to, “Name the Genius” is the process of finding what individuals are innately good at with the purpose of multiplying the ability. The first part of this process involves reflecting on an individual’s strengths. The book offers four questions to help leaders to define the native talents in others:

• What do they do better than anything else they do?
• What do they do better than the people around them?
• What do they do easily (without effort or even awareness)?
• What do they do freely (without being asked or being paid)?

In the context of education I might simplify these questions to the following:

What does the student excel in at school? (What comes easy for the student – NOT just academics)
What does the student choose to do when he or she is given choice in the classroom?
What do the other students tend to come to this student for help with?

Step 2 in the process is literally putting a label on it. Some examples given are, “synthesizing complex ideas,” or “building bridges.” I think the labels in school would depend greatly on the age and the different students comprised of the classroom each year, but some of the ideas I have are:

Category	Student Description
Natural Leader	This is a student who naturally takes the lead when working in partnerships or groups. The other students tend to look to him or her for leadership in the classroom.
Organizational Ninja	This is a student whose desk, locker, all materials are always organized. He or she has a system for everything. This may transfer over into other subjects like writing.
Idea Generator	This is the student who is always coming to you with an idea for something they want to work on in class or out of class. When you ask questions, this student almost always raises their hand and has a unique answer. They love to talk and share ideas.
Creative Artist	This is the student who the other students are always coming to to draw things for them. They are always drawing or doodling something in class.
Creative Writer	This is the student who excels in creativity in writing. Whether they are designing new worlds or interesting characters their mind thinks creatively when putting pen to paper.
Tech Guru	This is the kid who loves working on their computer. When something breaks down in the classroom this student can usually figure out a way to make it work again.
Voracious Reader	This is the student who reads volumes of books in school and out. He or she has favorite authors or genres and can be found reading whenever freetime is given.
Mathematical Mind	This is a student who can find an answer to even the most complex math in the classroom with what appears to be little effort. Many times the student has different strategies for solving as well or can combine numbers in unique ways.
Kindness Coordinator	This is a student whose empathy runs deep. He or she works well with any student in the classroom and can often be found helping other students to solve problems.
Performance Artist	This is a student who when given choice is always creating a play, song or dance related to the topic. He or she loves to perform in front of any audience.

The final step in the process is the most critical, share with the student what you’ve noticed as their native genius and then look for ways to multiply it or put it to use in the classroom.

There are a variety of ways I might do this in the classroom. I would first schedule individual conferences with each student where my conversation might sound like this…

“I’ve been looking for the unique talents of each student in our classroom and I’ve noticed that you are an Idea Generator. When I ask questions in the classroom your hand is almost always raised. When you are working with other kids I’ve noticed that you are the one who comes up with unique ideas or are often the first to share. You frequently come to me with ideas about our classroom or things you’d like to try outside of school. This is a true talent and gift that will make you very successful both inside and outside of school because you come up with ideas that others may have never thought of before. I’d like to use your unique talent in our classroom more. Here are some ideas I have…What do you think? Do you have more?”

Just like in a literacy or math conference, name the observation and then give examples to the student of this trait. By sharing the native genius with the student he or she is more likely to focus on this talent and use it more often in the classroom and beyond.

The next thing I would do is incorporate ways to enhance students’ native genius into my planning. If I’ve got a classroom of students who thrive on creativity then I want to plan lessons that are going to give opportunities for that genius to flourish. Many times the answer will be obvious like offering choice in how students demonstrate mastery with creative options. Sometimes though the creative answer is not always apparent to us as educators because that may not be our native genius. This is an opportunity to ask the students how they would incorporate creativity into the lesson. The more we give students opportunities to contribute, the more not only their talents will grow, but the ideas that we have for future practice will increase as well.

Planning for small groups or partnerships is another way that strategically planning with the students’ native genius is a benefit. When planning for small group collaboration I might put students together who have very different strengths, but together would create a much better synergy than if they had worked in a homogeneous group. For example, in a group of four, I’d look to have a leader, an organizer, a creative student and a student who is incredibly kind. Depending on the type of work I might also put an Idea Generator, a Tech Guru, and a Creative Artist together. At the end of the collaboration, I would have students reflect on what worked well, what they learned from the other students and what they might want to try to emulate. I would use this information to plan for future groups.

The final action I would take is to create something called, “Mastermind Groups” in my classroom. These groups would be comprised of students with similar talents. They would meet once a week and get to work on the things they loved most together. It would kind of be similar to a passion project or genius hour, but with a group of like-minded individuals who could push one another due to their similar strengths. I might also use this time as a brainstorming session with students to get more of their ideas of how our classroom could be enhanced by posing questions like the following?

When is learning best for you in my classroom?
What problems do you see in our classroom or school? How do you recommend we solve those problems?
What suggestions do you have for making learning better in our classroom?

The ideas and feedback could then be incorporated into future planning for learning experiences or classroom procedures.

The actual title of Chapter 2 in Multipliers is The Talent Magnet. I have relistened to this chapter on my way to and from work probably 3 to 4 times, each time grasping something new. Essentially, great leaders who are Talent Magnets draw talented people to them because they not only recognize the talent in others, but are able to take that talent and increase it exponentially.

The longer I am in education the more I realize that it’s not the standards or content that is the most important thing, it’s the relationships I build with students and the way that I help them to grow and become the best possible version of themselves. The role of the teacher (as well as leaders) is truly one of a Talent Magnet.

“Multipliers not only access people’s current capability, they stretch it. They get more from people than they knew they had to give. People reported actually getting smarter around Multipliers. The implication is that intelligence itself can grow.” – Liz Wiseman, Greg McKeown

Teaching Like a Coach – Part One

I’ve had a lot of great conversations since starting this blog about teaching and coaching and how the two are intertwined. Two of the questions that have come up a lot are

How do you ACTUALLY teach like a coach?

What does that look like in real practice?

This has gotten me to reflect about my own practice in a variety of roles in education as well as how for many of us, our schooling did not prepare us for teaching this way. As many of you are doing your own reflecting and planning over Winter Break for changes and refinements you want to make in 2019, I thought that a series of posts dedicated to answering these two questions would be timely and hopefully useful. 🙂

It All Starts With…

Knowing your team. I’m not going to try to pretend that I am the greatest basketball fan of all time, but I’ve learned a lot from Phil Jackson’s leadership philosophies via Dr. Marc Pinto. He was a hockey coach and geneticist turned chiropractor whom I would have the most amazing conversations at our weekly appointments. Dr. Pinto had read Phil Jackson’s books cover to cover hundreds of times and no matter what we were discussing his philosophies seemed to always creep into our conversation, especially when I was applying for the learning support coach position in Naperville. One of the quotes from his book 11 Rings: The Soul of Success that really resonates with being a coach in the classroom is:

“My approach was always to relate to each player as a whole person, not just a cog in the basketball machine. That meant pushing him to discover what distinct qualities he could bring to the game beyond taking shots and making passes. How much courage did he have? Or resilience? What about character under fire? Many players I’ve coached didn’t look special on paper, but in the process of creating a role for themselves they grew into formidable champions.” – Phil Jackson

I love that Phil Jackson’s goal wasn’t just to create amazing basketball players, it was to build on the strengths of his players overall and in that action he created a dynasty. Our main job as educators is to help learners to know their strengths, develop their passions and help them to develop new abilities that sometimes feel outside their grasp. In order to be effective at this you have to essentially know your team inside and out.

Deciding what skills you will be looking for is a critical first step. There are so many options that it is easy to get stuck here, weighing the options. If the thought of that is already making your head spin, here are some ideas to start with:

1. The 6 C’s – Communication, Collaboration, Critical Thinking, Creativity, Character, Citizenship

This is helpful for: Promoting more global skills in your students that will transfer to a variety of contexts, subjects, and ages.

Something to think about: Because these are broad skills you might want to have a conversation with others or your PLC about what each of these look like at the age of students you teach to create a specific definition of each.

2. The Standards – The Common Core State Standards (CCSS), Next Generation Science Standards (NGSS), College, Career & Civic Life (C3), ISTE Standards for Students

This is helpful for: Collecting information that is more related to academic achievement in different subject areas (with the exception of the ISTE standards that are more global like the 6C’s)

Something to think about: If your school uses standards based reporting, this is a great place to start. Because the standards are vast, it might be good to see how the broader ideas from each of the subject standards are connected. This document from NGSS does a nice job of making this connection already.

3. Student Interests & Passions – This one is pretty self-explanatory. You are collecting information on things your students are interested in, especially the topics they are passionate about! These interests and passions are often strengths we overlook because they may not be subjects we teach in school.

This is helpful for: Diversifying the definition of what a good student is. Helping students to be able to name a wide variety of skills they have that aren’t necessarily taught in school, but still incredibly valuable. Creating engaging lessons connected to your students’ interests and passions.

Something to think about: You may find that your students have a broad range of interests and passions. If you are overwhelmed in how to honor these strengths or incorporate them into the curriculum, ask the students what they think. I am always blown away by the ideas my students come up with when I can’t seem to find a solution.

So How Do I Organize All This Stuff?

You probably have your own way of keeping data on your students. I know I certainly tried it a million different ways as an educator, coach, and now administrator. What I found was there are basically two different ways you can go about this: individual or whole group. Regardless, you are going to need a system that works for you, the simpler the better.

Individual

As an instructional coach I started with OneNote for keeping notes on each of my meetings with teachers and eventually moved to a Google folder per teacher. If I was back in the classroom I would most likely the Google. Here’s what I would do:

Idea #1

Create a Google form for the data I would like to create. (Like this one that tracks the 6C’s)
Use the Doc-Appender Add-on so that the data I collected would automatically populate into individual Google folders for each student. (Here is a video of how to use it if you’re not sure what I’m talking about.)
- On a side note, this add-on is amazing because now you have a Google doc for each student that can be shared easily with other teachers working with the student or parents. It’s great for conferring notes as well. 🙂
As I was walking around and talking to students use my phone to use the form to quickly jot down notes.

Idea #2

Create a chart for each student using Google docs like this one.
Print out each of these sheets and keep them in binder. Create a new sheet for each student per week. (Or if you’re not a fan of paper, you could also do something similar with a folder for each student, but this might be difficult to manage as you are walking around throughout the day.)
Keep the binder with me throughout the day. As I am noticing strengths, ideas etc. about students jot down a quick note in their tab.

Benefits of Individual Data: Great for looking at students as a whole. Also easy to share with students, parents and other staff members because your forms are per individual student.

Drawbacks of Individual Data: When planning for groups or looking for patterns based on the information you have collected you may be doing a lot of flipping back and forth or scrolling to find commonalities. This can be more time consuming. However, if you use Idea #1 Google forms will allow you to sort the spreadsheet that the form creates which solves this problem.

Group

Sometimes I found keeping individual data overwhelming and found it easier to keep track of the entire class at one time. When taking this approach you are having the descriptors at the top of the chart while the student names go down the side of the chart. Here is an example of what I mean by keeping track of the class’ strengths. One of the reasons that I like this chart is the ability to write down goals for students directly in the chart so that they are all in one place. (The student can formulate these goals as well) This makes it easy when you are reflecting at the end of the week for next steps for the following week.

Another way you might do this is by using an old plan book and assigning student names to each box. You can then use post-its to take notes through-out the week and stick them to the boxes.

Benefits of Group Data: All of your data is in one place. It is easy to create groups and see overall how your class is doing. You can make plans for next steps without having to look back and forth at individual students.

Drawbacks of Individual Data: It takes an extra step to share this data with individuals because you will have to transfer the information to individual forms. It’s not as easy to see individual progress from week to to week as it is with individual data.

When deciding how to collect your learner data think about your personal preference for collection as well as your purpose. I would recommend starting small. Select one type of data you wish to collect and try out different methodologies until you find one that works best for you. You can then transfer that protocol to the other information you are keeping on your students.

R-E-F-L-E-C-T

Even if you find the ultimate way to collect information on your students there will never be any impact if you don’t take the time to analyze and reflect upon this data. You might find that reflecting at the end of each day is better for you or perhaps weekly is more preferable. Again, it’s your preference, there is no perfect methodology. Here are some questions to consider when you are reflecting each week.

What are patterns I am noticing in my classroom? (passions, interests, strengths, abilities that need strengthening)’
Who stood out as a leader? Who struggled? What is my plan for celebrating or intervening?
What lessons should I plan based on this information?
What groupings or partnerships might I plan as a result of the patterns I am noticing? Who might work together best?

If you are a fan of forms, here is a Google doc with these questions that you can use in your reflection. Another simple way to reflect is to create a daily list of 3 accomplishments that you would like to achieve by the end of the day based on the observations and patterns you are seeing. This could be individual or as a class.

It is powerful to share your reflections with students or to even do the reflecting side by side with the student. Share with them what you have observed and create goals together. By involving them in the process and citing specifically their talents or skills they need to work on you are empowering them to own the next steps.

Recognizing and developing strengths, passions and talents in our students is not something new or revolutionary to education. It’s what we do with this knowledge that makes the difference, positively affecting students and creating innovation in our schools. Approaching the classroom as a coach creates a deeper understanding and connection to students because you are purposefully connecting with each student daily and reflecting upon, not what EVERY student should know and be able to do, but what is best for the individual learners. This creates a classroom culture where students are energized to build on their strengths and empowered to learn in ways they may have thought previously was beyond their grasp.

Part 2 of this series will be focused on the next step: instructional practices. I look forward to hearing your feedback! Christina

Taking the Time to Be the Difference

If you were to ask me why I got into education I would tell you a simple fact:

I LOVE working with students.

Seeing their eyes light up when they learn something new.

Building on their strengths.

Showing them they can achieve ANYTHING.

Except when I really think about it, I don’t know that ALL of the students I have worked with throughout my career would agree with this description. The “troublemakers.” The ones who didn’t fit into my image of what a great student should be. The ones who talked out of turn too much or didn’t follow the directions or appeared to be completely unmotivated in my class. What would they say?

Would they agree…

I knew their strengths?

I valued their unique talents?

I BELIEVED IN THEM?

I don’t know. Some would, but sadly I am pretty sure there are more than a few that would not.

My short response when they asked a question I had already given the answer to. The tone in my voice when I told them for what felt like the 800th time to stop interrupting. The phone calls home to share my concerns of what they were NOT able to do in my classroom. Classroom interactions focused on my disappointment in their behavior, getting started on work, missing assignments and how if they didn’t change there was not way they could ever be successful in school and beyond.

Without intending it, these actions told them more than my actual words ever would.

You are a nuisance.

Your faults are what define you.

I do not value you.

This was incredibly hard for me to reflect on, but I know it’s true. The worst part is I could have fixed it.

The Seeds We Sow and the Mark We Leave

When I became an assistant principal one of the things I greatly feared was that my role would primarily be of behavior interventionist. I had visions of unending days in my office scolding naughty kids, dealing with upset parents and frustrating teachers if I couldn’t fix the problem child in their classroom. I was pretty terrified.

So I was incredibly grateful last year when I found my role to be more of instructional leader and culture builder than an enforcer of compliance and behavior.

But then something amazing happened. I started having more opportunities to work with students who had behavior issues in school. And it has literally become one of my favorite parts of my job.

Why?

Simple reason. We talk. About anything they want.

Cars. Unicorns. The history of the Ukelele. How they hate math. Love their brother. Hate their sister. Mastering the floss. Youtube.

I get to know them. Their strengths. Their passions. Their unique qualities. They teach me stuff. I teach them stuff. (Sometimes without them knowing it)

And yes, we reflect. We talk about what happened. Why it happened. What they will do differently next time. Why it might be hard to avoid doing whatever it is they did next time, but how they will still vigilantly work to learn from their mistake.

Instead of seeing them as someone who is disrupting my busy day I see them as a gift. An opportunity for me to connect. To Learn. To Pause. To help a kid see that even if they made a mistake they are still special, unique, and talented. School is a good place for them. They belong here. They are loved.

They are not a problem to fix, but an untapped talent with a potential for greatness.

A Thought

When I was a classroom teacher there were so many pressures and demands of the job that made me feel like I didn’t always have the time it would require to build relationships with my most troubled students. If we didn’t get through every part of the curriculum each day I was somehow failing as a teacher.

We tell ourselves things like, If I don’t get through Unit 12 Lesson 9 in math by the end of the year something terrible is going to happen. This students’ behavior isn’t fair to the other kids. It’s taking away their opportunity to learn. It sets a bad example. I need to DO something about it quickly or somehow this behavior will spread like a T Swift album.

I would argue with you the opposite is true. If we don’t get students to see their unique talents and abilities then we have failed them. If we don’t make school a place where kids feel connected, develop their passions and leave with a sense of drive and purpose then we are failing society.

Taking the extra time that it may require to build a relationship with a struggling student will actually take up less time in the long run because you will have an advocate in your classroom as opposed to an adversary.

If you are still struggling with finding the time, I would recommend trying the 2X10 strategy. I read about it in an ASCD article a few years ago and it has helped many of the teachers I have worked with to build better relationships. Every day for ten days you take two minutes to share something personal about yourself with that student. Many times when we ask our troubled students things about themselves they come back with crickets or very little information. This strategy helps to overcome that barrier and the student starts to see connections with you which opens them up to share more about themselves. It helps them to see you as a human being as well and not just the daily source of their frustration.

I promise. It’s worth it.

One of the reasons I felt so compelled to share this story this week was because of a new book I started reading by Dr. Brad Gustafson called Reclaiming our Calling: Hold on to the Heart, Mind, and Hope of Education. The foreward is actually written by a student who discovered his passion for drawing in Kindergarten. This talent continued to be fostered throughout his elementary career by everyone in the school to the point where he has connected with published authors and is inspiring others and making a true difference. His talent for artwork could have been seen as a nuisance or something to be put on the back burner for the curriculum, but it wasn’t. Now this middle schooler is inspiring others and making a difference. Not gonna lie. This story brought me to tears.

Let’s make stories like this one the norm as opposed to the exception in school.

Take the time.

Build relationships.

Discover strengths.

Be the difference.

Thanks for reading. Christina