Compassion Fatigue

If you’re in education you’ve probably either heard of or experienced ” teacher burn-out,” a condition that results from being over-worked or under-valued or the experience of a disconnect between the work you required to do with the truths you know to be true about teaching.  This Wednesday my social worker gave a presentation to our staff about something I had never heard of, “Compassion Fatigue.”   

Compassion fatigue is common in fields like education where people are regularly taking care of others.  It’s best described as “the cost of caring too much.”  From the outside, it may sound like burn-out, but it results in much more grief, sadness, and detachment from the person being affected.  If not treated, the results can affect the person physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

A truly eye-opening part of the presentation was on Self-Compassion.  We each took this survey that required us to rate ourselves from one to five, one being almost never to five being almost always on a variety of statements related to the way we respond to difficulties.  Some of the statements included:

• When I feel inadequate in some way, I try to remind myself that feelings of inadequacy are shared by most people.
• When things are going badly for me, I see the difficulties as part of life that everyone goes through.
• I’m disapproving and judgmental about my own flaws and inadequacies.
• When I fail at something important to me I try to keep things in perspective.
• When I’m feeling down I try to approach my feelings with curiosity and openness.

Prior to taking this survey, it had truly never occurred to me that other people would have similar feelings of inadequacy.  Just knowing that gave me an incredible sense of calm.  Other staff members that I spoke with at the training made similar comments.  Without even looking at the results, just rating myself on the survey made me realize that I am not very compassionate towards myself.  Self-judgment has always been my go-to.  The thought of any other option was completely foreign.

I don’t think it was anything that my parents, teachers or anyone else did that resulted in me being so hard on myself.  It was just always there.  This has gotten me thinking about our students.  What are their inner thoughts?  Do they judge themselves harshly or do they practice self-compassion?  Do they feel alone in their failures and self-doubt or do they recognize that feelings of inadequacy are shared by others?  

People who are self-compassionate handle stress better, move forward more quickly, and can enjoy life more because they are able to live in the moment.   If you take the survey, there are some strategies and exercises recommended for developing more self-care.  At our training on Wednesday, we learned the following:

• Separate from what you wish you can do from what you can do.  Set a daily intention with something small.  (Small daily wins practiced over time lead to big ones!)
• Acknowledge your fears…and release them!  
• Develop a Self-Care Plan…part of this is being ok with saying No!
• Create a Strong Network…Disconnect from things to connect with people
• Be Authentic…Embrace who you are!…Let go of the pressure to be someone else…model this for students!
• Practice Mindfulness…Daily practice…change your view and you change our world

I’m sincerely so grateful to our social worker for putting together this training for our staff.  It’s already helped me to be more self-compassionate over the past few days.  Let’s all be a little kinder to ourselves.  You are perfect the way you are today, not because of your actions or what you will become.  Like Stuart Smalley said, “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.”

 

 

 

Overcoming Worries About the Beginning of the Year

This post is mostly a reminder to myself, but if you are an educator like me you might appreciate this message as well.

It’s that time of summer when “Back to School” ads seem to start popping up almost everywhere.  When I was a teacher this signaled the time when I started thinking more heavily about the upcoming year, dreaming about the classroom I would create, the students I would have, and reflecting on what I would do differently.

I would start making lists.

Lists for classroom decorations like nametags, posters and bulletin boards.

Lists for activities I wanted to plan the first week.

Lists for copies I needed to make and fancy things I wanted to laminate.

Lists for days I would do the things on said prior lists.

You needed a list for something?  I had a post-it or notebook page for that.

My routine almost always went this way:  The first day I would come in for only a half-day and ease myself back into the classroom.  Take the lay of the land.  Plan out placement of the new shiny things I wanted to put up.  Laminate 1-2 said shiny things.  Maybe open up a few boxes.  Catch up with friends I hadn’t seen all summer. I was in around 10 and out by 2 at the latest.  As the days progressed I would start to spend more time and by the day before school, I was always ready.

The problem was I spent a good portion of those weeks anxious.  Even though I had made plans upon plans and lists upon lists, I was worried.  Worried that it wouldn’t all get done.  That I wouldn’t be ready when the first day started.  So, instead of enjoying my time when I was not working in my classroom, I spent the time with family and friends feeling anxious and crabby and worried that it wouldn’t all get done.

My husband would tell me every year, “Don’t worry, you’ll get it done.  You always do.  You’ll be great.”  And guess what?  I did.  I always got it done.  And the things that I didn’t, it didn’t matter, I did them later.  Or better yet, had the kids do them.

So I promised myself that I would stop worrying and remind myself at the start of every year how I always got everything done and as the years progressed things got gradually better.  (I can’t say they totally stopped.  I am naturally a little neurotic.)

New Role, New Worries

This year I will be a principal for the first time at Jefferson Elementary School in Elmhurst, IL.  I have spent the past two weeks meeting with many of my staff, and each time I meet with a new person I get even more excited to be a part of the school.

Even though I have had all of these incredibly positive and energizing meetings & ideas, school officially starts in two weeks.  Once again, feelings of doubt and worry are creeping into my mind and dominating my thoughts.

Will I be enough?

How can there possibly be enough time to get everything done?

How am I not going to fail miserably and let everyone down?

I care.  Deeply about this work.  When I first got into education I remember telling someone that if they offered me a million dollars to stop I wouldn’t take it and I still stand by that today.  

Becoming a principal is an incredible honor and just like my teachers, I want to make sure I am fully prepared to start the year.  There are relationships to build (the best part), schedules, routines & processes to create (or just understand), class lists to double-check, a collaborative vision to be built, plans to be made, emails upon emails and meetings upon meetings.  I want so deeply to be the leader that the students, staff, and families are proud to have.  At times it can feel a bit insurmountable.

So even though I am trying hard not to, I have honestly spent a lot of time in that familiar place of anxiousness and worry.

When this starts to happen I have been going back to the words of my husband reminding myself of all the times I have overcome something that I once thought was impossible, like getting my doctorate or becoming a mother.  I assure myself that I have all of the talents and skills to do this well.  I wouldn’t have been given this job if many others didn’t see my work and believe in me as well.  I focus on the joy instead of the fears of what I am about to do.

Many times I think of the quote below that was posted by Linnea, a dear friend of mine, several years back on my Facebook wall.  I’m not even sure she knows of the impact it has had on me.  I love how it uses personification to change the concept of worry from an intangible, uncontrollable thing to something I can choose to let into my mind or not.

So as a final reminder to myself (and anyone else in full-on school panic mode)…

You will get all the things done.

You always have.

You are more than enough.

I believe in you.

Whether you choose to worry about it all is up to you. 🙂